Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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