the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
