i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
