I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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