im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
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i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize