i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
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