Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
