I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
