Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
