Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
