You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
