That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
