his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
