Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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