my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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