I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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