And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
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The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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