note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
