You can't special order awesome
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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