She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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