i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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