I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have fence marks all over my body
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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