is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You work out of a Hotel?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
