I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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