the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
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Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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