you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
