It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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