Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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