i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
