i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We need a shit load of segways right now
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
