im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
