I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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