so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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