i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
