Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
