he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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