it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
