Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
