Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
