just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
A bitchslap is in order.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
