Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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