im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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