We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
