running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
