im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
