Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
