i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
