I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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