I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
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I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
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The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
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