I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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