I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
