exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
