She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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