I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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