So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
